The Party Room

The weather is usually very harsh this time of year in NW Indiana. Tonight the air is cold but there isn't any snow on the ground. Standing beneath the clear evening sky my thoughts continue to stray back to my recent divorce. The cruel hands of fate shatter the dreams I had believed in. That's where my best buddy Bill comes in. I had been so distraught, Bill decided I needed to get out and meet some people and have some fun. So now I am standing under a street lamp waiting for him to pick me up. He planned this evening to attend a Christmas party, of which I am totally afraid. Being forced to be a part of the singles club is bad enough but having to mix with strangers is even worse.

Coming down the road I can see he must have given his silver grey Cheyenne a bath for tonight. A pretty little pickup with pin striping along the sides. I haven't seen many so nice. Bill and I are in many ways like opposites. He is tall and I am short. He is thin and well, I am fat. In spite of our physical differences we get along very well. Our senses of humour compliment each other. We have been known to do a Laurel and Hardy impersonation on an occasion or two. "Are you ready for tonight?" Bill says to me. My reply surprises me. I say, "If I am honest I guess I'm looking forward to the escape." My thoughts are racing as we drive the forty minutes of highway to reach our destination. I bought a new suit for this night but now I feel naked and alone. My self-confidence is at an all time low and I'm not sure I can pull this off.

Pulling into the parking lot I can see this magnificent building designed by none other than Frank Lloyd Wright. A grand old building built some time in the 20's or 30's I suppose. Built of stone and brick it appears to have stood there among the two flats, as a symbol of royalty casting it's shadow over it's subjects. The steps are made of slate and the doors are huge finely crafted pieces of art. The door knobs and door knockers are made of heavy brass, polished to appear as gold. My first step through the door leads my eye to a crystal chandelier hanging high above me in the large foyer. Clinging to the walls is an oak wooden staircase that would match any fine furniture in beauty and craftsmanship. "The party is upstairs." Bill says to me. "The Mormons bought this building just for festivities such as this one." The staircase ends at the middle of a landing that stretches down a long hallway in one direction and the Party Room at the other.

The Christmas tree in the corner looks as if it is growing through the floor to touch the twenty-foot ceiling of the party room. Decorated with all kinds of shiny ornaments and lights, the site is quite breath taking. The chairs placed along the walls only remind me of how many people are expected to attend this party. Opposite of the room from the Christmas tree hang two white French doors that lead into a smaller room where a pool table and a ping pong table set ready for action. Food and drinks are set up on a couple of tables placed against the wall in the hallway. I can hear Christmas music being played over a stereo in the adjacent corner from the tree.

The people that have arrived seem to be twenty or thirty something, well within my age group but the panic from within me is rising. I'm not sure I made the right decision to come tonight but Bill seems to be doing quite well for himself. I am almost envious of him. He is so relaxed and carrying on so with his new friends. As lonely as I feel, I so relish the thought that I too could make a new friend here tonight especially if they were female. Roaming from one group to the next, I am finding it hard to find a conversation that I can make a connection too but across the room is a cute petite blonde looking at me and smiling. Oh God! Why is she staring at me. Is my fly open? I'd love to talk with her but as soon as I open my mouth she'll go running for the hills. Maybe I should stroll over too the pool table then I'll be out of site of her. Just a minute. I think she is walking over to me. She is so perfect. Her smile just melts my emotions. Her hair is so long and soft as if it belongs to an angel. She is perfectly trim in her sweater and mini skirt. I would have to live a million life times before I could find someone like her to be interested in me. Is she coming over to me or is she simply walking this way to talk to someone else. Am I going nuts. So what if she is interested in me. I am a nice person, not too handsome, not too smart and way too fat but I can be nice. Who am I kidding there's something wrong with this picture. I don't know but if she talks with me I'll go along the best I can. I never noticed before but this room is getting very warm.

As she approaches me I can see her teeth so white through her smile. Quite frankly I am about to explode. The excitement is too overwhelming. She asks, as she steps to attention squarely in front of me, "Hi my name is Judy. Enjoying the party?" My reply is a nervous one, "Yes, best party I have been too in a long time." As her expression changes she ask, "Do you mind, I would like to talk to you?" OK. I can feel the sweat pouring from my hands now. "Sure." I reply. I'm thinking this must be a mistake. This girl must be thinking she is talking to someone else. Her soft little hand placed gently upon my shoulder, she says, "Follow me." I'm amazed and bewildered. She turns and walks toward the door leading to the hallway. I am so uncomfortable. I don't know what to expect. She is so friendly. I'm not used to women being so friendly. Apprehension is swelling up inside. What does she want?

Walking down the darkened hallway, I notice several doorways passing by like a Hitchcock movie. She puts her hand on the doorknob and turns to me and says, "I think we can talk in here without being disturbed." As Judy passes through the blackened doorway she manages to find the light switch to flip it on. The dingy yellow walls are the backgrounds for the dark windows that were built into the middle of the wall opposite the door. I'm barely in he room and she turns to me and puts her hand gently on my shoulder again and says, "I want to ask you to do something for me but I’m afraid you'll get angry with me." OK. Here it comes the big heartbreak. She wants me to introduce her to my bud. My response too her, "Sure you can ask me I won't be angry." Her face turns into a big smile and her hands grasp my shoulders. "I need your help. Would you be offended if I asked you to play Santa?", as if I were the only man in the world that could help her. My hope for a romance could not have come falling down any harder. I just want to hide myself away in a cave somewhere and die but I’m trapped! I can't run and besides she is looking at me with those perfect blue eyes and perky little lips. How could I turn her down? "Sure.” I answer as this joyous feeling begins to consume my being. "I would be glad to help you." Turning quickly to open a door covering a closet she says, "The suit is in here." She looks like a little girl hosting her very first Christmas party. So bubbly, excited and happy. The sight of her at this moment makes it all worth being here on this night, at this moment. As she displays each article of the fat man's suit I can see the sparkle of her joy emanating from her countenance. She is a beauty.

That Santa's suit looks pretty empty laying there on the table. Looking up, I see her smiling. "I'll get out of here so you can get ready. Just knock on the door to let me know when you are ready.", she says with excitement in her voice. Standing here looking down at the red and white bundle of clothes I realise I will have to go out there in front of all those people wearing this over grown elf's suit. The last thing I want to do is prance around in some fairy suit but I'm stuck. Lets see, here are the pants. They look a little small. I hope they fit. Tossing the pants on the table I begin removing my shoes. The pants are first. As I put the pants on this feeling of cheer begins to glow within my soul. I almost feel like laughing. The top is a bit of a problem, can't seem to get my arms through, it's so tight. As I put the belt and leg gens on I have this uncontrollable desire to HOHOHO. Weak at first but after a few tries Judy is sticking her head in the door laughing. What a great time I'm having. "If you are ready Santa I'll announce you." she says half bent over laughing with delight. "Go ahead, I'm ready." I say feeling the Spirit of the season. Peering around the door I see her standing at the entrance of the party room. "Everyone!" she announces, "Our special guest, Santa Claus!" The cheers are deafening. Here I go down the same hallway that only a few minutes earlier seemed so dark and mysterious. The image of the party room from the vantagepoint of the hall seems to appear as a Christmas wonderland. I can hear people laughing and talking in a very festive mood as I walk into the room. 'Santa I was a good boy." someone shouts from the crowd gathering in the centre of the room. I hear my good buddy Bill cry out in laughter, "Atta boy Ray!"

In the middle of the room is a chair waiting for Santa. Above the chair is a mistletoe hanging from the chandelier. As each girl sat on Santa's lap I insisted upon a little kiss for Santa and so far everyone will get a visit from Old St. Nick this year. There must be some kind of magic in the spirit of Christmas because right now my heart is light and my worries for the moments are light years away.

It's twenty years later now and I never saw Judy again but in a small way she made a impact on my life at that time. And for that Judy I am thankful too you.

My Internet Princess

She was nothing but a few characters on a TV screen. She was supposed to be a pen pal. Someone to talk too on the web but little did I
know that those few clicks on my keyboard would become a passionate romance. Not even a whisper of her voice or a glimpse of her hair. Yet in a time compressed by a technology unknown only a few years ago, I found a woman that could stretch my imagination to a new horizon I never thought possible. As I read her words on the screen I could hear the sense of hurt and pain she had felt as she shared with me her experience in love. I could feel her desire to be held and be loved as any woman would. But her desire had gone unquenched. She settled for the arms of lovers that only promised her a fast moment but no depth into her soul.

As each new day past my soul wanted to tell her of my hunger to be loved in a new way. For the first time of my life I wanted to share an honesty with her I had never before known. I too had settled for physical attachments instead of spiritual intimacy. It was a sad trade off. For no matter how many engagements I had, I was left with an overwhelming emptiness.

We talked each night for hours on end, laughing and then sometimes struggling to put into words the fears that had festered in our souls. My secrets that bore into my being were received with apprehension at first but her charity blossomed like rose. At first disbelief ruled my mind. Then I realised this honesty was what I had failed to give in the past. This lady peered into my psyche and saw the truth and I found a friend and a lover.

My invisible "Internet Princess" wasn’t so invisible. I could see her smile in her humour, I could see her eyes in her insight and her
tenderness could touch my heart. Someday soon I will have her in my arms to caress and to smell the scent of her hair. She may be an invisible dream to me now but I'll know the part of her you can't see with the naked eye.