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The
Angels are making stew, and gabriels using
profanities again!
The
kitchens in the halls of Celestial Paradise were
a hive of industrious activity. Gabriel was
pouncing round sticking his chest out and
profaning in the most colourful of language at
the top of his lungs, his normally gentle
melodic voice gripped by a harsh nasty edge.
This behavior was not because he had become
suddenly that way inclined, but because he was
the Chef, and drawing on his observations of
chefs down on earth, that’s the way one ought
to behave.
The idea seemed to be, to have your underlings
cowering in corners and reduced to either tears
or suicide (it makes no difference which) in the
shortest possible time. Gabriel found that the
use of the term “Dog Breath” worked
particularly well on Temerity, who dissolved
into helpless floods of tears everytime he used
it.
He felt very grand, in his blue and white
checked pants and tall white hat. He did find
though that the white tunic and apron were
rather restrictive on the wings. Aurora, mother
of all angels and Gabriels wife, was busy
peeling the wisdom at the sink. It had been a
good year for wisdom crops, making it very
reasonable in the market, so she had bought
plenty of it.
Temerity was in charge of chopping the
compassion and empathy. For this recipe, the
mixture had to be just right, one part empathy
to three parts compassion. Of course everyone
knows how chopping compassion and empathy, makes
you cry, and being called dog breath at regular
intervals only compounded the problem. She tried
the old Angels method of drinking fifteen pints
of bitter while swinging a Harley Davidson round
your head, until it was pointed out to her that
that’s the *Hells Angel’s* method. So she
tried dipping her wings in vinegar while singing
“Oh hale and hallowed portals of goodness”
at the top of her voice but the only difference
it made was to bring forth a fresh barrage of
abuse from Gabriel, who was enjoying himself
immensely, still she continued to sniffle. One
part empathy to three parts compassion with
three tears and a glob of nasal mucus lovely.
Felicity who was a rather naughty angel, went
directly against Gabriels orders and added a cup
and a half of sex appeal to the pot when nobody
was looking. Gabriel had strictly forbidden the
use of this in the stew after the mess left
behind on earth from the sexual revolution of
the sixties. He had had to work three earth
decades of overtime to clear up after that one,
he was still sexually repressed poor man, and
Aurora had given up smiling about that time too.
Three cups of pleasant disposition went in, one
of tenderness, and four of humour. Jinty was
stirring it all together. It was time to add the
herbs. A pinch of irresistible to humans. Jinty
shook her head sadly as she remembered the fate
of Bosun the Boxer dog, after he had fallen into
a vat of irresistible to humans. Mr. Cummings
the high court earth judge was still in prison
apparently after that sorry episode, and as for
Bosun well all his offspring are born bow legged
too. This was a crucial part of the proceedings,
the amount had to be just right, knowing the
character of the earthlings add too much
irresistible to humans, and they would be
murdering each other in their beds to steal the
angel stew. A pinch of honesty, sixteen cloves
of kindness, a pint and a half of love, again
have to be very careful with that one,
infidelity was rife last year when celestine
mistook gallons for pints.
Finally it was time for the last ingredient to
go into the pot, a pinch of do unto others.
Unfortunately just as Destiny was about to add
it, one of the cherubic sons of Cupid came
hurtling through the kitchen and knocked
Destiny’s arm, the whole drum of do unto
others fell into the pot. There was a shocked
silence, they waited with baited breath for an
explosion from the normally mild and easygoing
Gabriel, but he just laughed.
“ No harm done” he said. So they just added
a little more honesty and compassion to
compensate.
Jinty shook her wings over the cooking pot, and
a fine shower of angel dust, drifted over the
top of the gravy. This was to make wishes come
true she said sweetly. That night a ramekin of
Angel Stew was placed at the bedside of every
human on earth. The effect was remarkable.
Soldiers laid down their arms, hugging the enemy
and calling him “Friend”. Strangers met in
the street, smiled, and remembered what it was
like in the old days when people took the time
and trouble to do that. The bullies helped the
weak, and the rich aided the poor. The angels
looked down from the Celestial halls of Paradise
and wondered what to make for dessert. |
